


The Grand National

by Weelderig_Waardeloos



Series: Norwegian Nights [49]
Category: Eurovision Song Contest RPF
Genre: 2012, ESC, Eurovision, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-03-26
Updated: 2009-03-26
Packaged: 2017-12-06 15:01:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/737003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Weelderig_Waardeloos/pseuds/Weelderig_Waardeloos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kaliopi is on a visit to the Grand National and Crufts. In a universe with sentient animals could there be a problem?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Grand National

The Grand National

The April breeze blew the leaves around the floor, as the birds flew around the trees. People were gathered in the stadium, to watch the Grand National. The interest in this bizzare horse race was mostly limited to horse breeders, as, while the Grand National was many things, it certainly did not have the popularity of the Eurovision Song Contest.  
The horses were all waiting in their stables. Kaliopi was here by the stables, her experience with being a mouse had made her wonder more about the hidden animal world, and she wondered why it took being turned into an animal to be able to talk to them.  
Kaliopi walked up to a stable which had three horses waiting inside.  
"Hello horses," said Kaliopi, "My name is Kaliopi Bukle. Who are you?"  
"Hello Kaliopi," said Seabass, "I am Seabass."  
"Oh, hey Seabass," said Kaliopi.  
"Oh my, you understood me!" yelled Seabass, "I see you have the ability to talk to animals! I have not seen that in a human for quite a while!"  
"Yes well," said Kaliopi, "I have only just got this power, but I have learned so much about animals in this time."  
Seabass looked at the other two horses standing next to him.  
"These are my friends Treacle and Calgary Bay!" Seabass said.  
"Hello!" said Treacle and Calgary Bay.  
"Hello," said Kaliopi, "I am Kaliopi. I am here to find out more about animals, such as thou. Why do you race in this 'Grand National' event?"  
"We do not choose to do it. It makes us sad to be race horses," said Calgary Bay, "We have been enslaved by humanity, forced to run pointless races like the Grand National and Ascot."  
"I can free you, if you'd like," Kaliopi said.  
"You could?" asked Treacle, "Really?"  
"Yes," said Kaliopi, "The nation of Britain shall not enslave horses any more!"  
And Kaliopi used her powers to unlock the stable door and it swung open. The three horses stepped outside.  
"And now to let all of the horses go," said Kaliopi, "This barbaric practice shall be practised no longer!"  
And all the stable doors swung open, and all the horses walked outside.  
"Freedom!" a dark horse said coming up to them, "But who has freed us?"  
"Ah, Mon Mome! Our liberator is with us! It is our good friend here, Kaliopi," said Seabass, "She can talk to animals, you know!"  
"Wow," said Mon Mome, "That's fantastic!"  
A brown horse walked over to them.  
"I am Vic Venturi," said the horse, "Kaliopi, you have proven yourself a hero among horses."  
"It was nothing," said Kaliopi, "I am always here to help my animal friends. It is what Litvy would have wanted."  
"We have advanced the equal rights for horses movement today," said Seabass, "And it is all thanks to you, Kaliopi."  
"Yes but this is not all," said Calgary Bay.  
"What do you mean?" asked Kaliopi.  
"There is another contest that is happening right now," said Treacle, "The show of enslaved dogs... Crufts!"  
"Then we must go to the Crufts stadium right now!" Kaliopi said.  
"Yes!" said Calgary Bay, "We horses stand up for the rights of all animals! We must stop this oppression at once!"  
\----  
Meanwhile, the Crufts trainer was training all the dogs in preparation for the Crufts contest, which was due to take place after the Grand National. The people of Crufts did not yet know that the Grand National had been cancelled permanently by Kaliopi.  
The Crufts trainer looked at the dogs who were sitting on the grass sadly.  
"Ahahahaha," laughed the Crufts trainer, as he threw a ball at the dogs, "You dogs are my eternal slaves! Ahahahahaha!"  
"Stop!" yelled Kaliopi, "In the name of Eurovision!"  
The Crufts trainer turned to see Kaliopi standing there, with all the horses of the Grand National behind her.  
"What on Earth is this?!" yelled the trainer, "Why are these slave horses not performing for us people at the Grand National races?!"  
"Because I have freed all of the Grand National horses!" Kaliopi yelled, "The Grand National is a vile and wicked contest, as is Crufts, you both must be stopped. In our pure and noble Eurovision we do not lower ourselves to using animals as slaves!"  
"You are a fool, lowly Eurovision entrant!" laughed the Crufts trainer, "The power of Lithuania runs through the Grand National and Crufts, bwahahahahaha!!! But of course you do already have experience in freeing animals, after all, you freed Iceland, a ha ha ha! Lowly Icelandics!!! They are as low as the Crufts dogs we have here! The Falklands should have been worse on Iceland, it was their mistake! But we won't be as nice as they were. For all your power Kaliopi, we have one thing that you don't!"  
"Oh yeah?" asked Kaliopi, "And what is that!"  
"We have the power over animals!" laughed the trainer, "Where you seek to free them, we can see the potential of animals as our slaves in the Grand National and Crufts!"  
And so the trainer blew a dog whistle, and the dogs all stood up to attention.  
"Oh no you don't," said Kaliopi and she used her powers and tossed the trainer into a bush.  
"It's stopped!" said a Yorkshire terrier.  
"No more dog whistles!" yelled Kaliopi, "Not now, not ever! You dogs are now free!"  
"Hooray!" said a golden retriever, "We are now free from the oppression of Crufts!"  
"Bwahahahaha," laughed Seabass, "This should have been done to the organisers of these two vile events long ago!"  
"Remember that it was America long ago who helped us horses of the Grand National," said Calgary Bay, "The Americans came to the Grand National, many years ago, and for one year, forced the British to treat us as equals instead of slaves. But then the Americans disappeared and things went back to the way they were..."  
"But not anymore!" Kaliopi said, "Things are fixed now, you are free!"  
"Wow Kaliopi," said Treacle, "We have a lot to thank you for here today. We shall never again be forced to run the Grand National races for Terry Wogan's evil British empire."  
"Macedonia will take over from America as the liberator of oppressed animals," said Kaliopi, "Once upon a time it was America who stood up for the rights of everyone everywhere, but thanks to Yusaki Hideki and the old PokeTech, America was lost. We, Macedonia, vow to stand up forever for the rights of you animals! We will continue America's good work! This is my pledge to you!"  
And the horses and dogs were happy, safe in the knowledge that they would never again be enslaved by people to take part in ridiculous contests. And, for the most part, the British public didn't mind either, as the only contest which mattered to them was the Eurovision Song Contest.  
The End.


End file.
